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A Sermon by
Cynthia Bauleke
Sin in the
Sanctuary: Who Should Get Married?
Ecclesiastes
4:7-12 It is the
summer season of weddings. The time when those who have been found by
unexpected love make public their intention for life long commitment -
to love, honor, and cherish - making covenant with each other. Family
and friends surround the glowing couple with hopes and prayers - and the full
range of emotions and questions that come with such a transition. Will she fit
into our family? Will there still be space in his life for his friends? Will
they be happy? Will it last? How soon will the grandchildren come? It is a
delight for me to share in the promise of marriage ceremonies. I enjoy meeting
with couples, discussing their expectations and hopes, both for their wedding
and for their marriage, as together we explore where the
Acreative edges@
might be in their relationship. It is a joy, and it is time consuming, so both
Donel and I limit the weddings at which we officiate. We find great joy in
celebrating with members and friends of the church, but when we get phone
calls from those who have no church home, who come seeking the blessing of the
church on their wedding day, we choose carefully which ones we commit to
doing. It=s not that
we believe some people deserve church weddings more than others, these
weddings are a positive outreach of our congregation, it=s
just that there aren=t
enough hours in our schedules to do all we would choose to do. Occasionally
I get a request to do a wedding which is difficult for me to turn down. It
usually comes from a prospective bride, who hesitantly explains that she and
her fiancé attend a church which will not marry them - because they live
together and they choose to be truthful about it. While I affirm the right and
responsibility of each church to set guidelines around marriage, I am always
confused by the logic which prohibits couples from getting married because
they live together. Isn=t
the whole point that these churches believe two people should be married if
they are to participate in the joys and responsibilities of a loving
relationship? It doesn=t
make sense to me to withhold the privilege of a wedding ceremony from a
committed, caring, couple, wanting to covenant with each other, who are
already involved in the life of their church, simply because they co-habit. At
least these couples do have other options. The swirling
water of current debates around religion and social policy have been focusing
recently on the issue of marriage between lesbians or gay men who have few
options. Periodicals from the Economist to Time to Newsweek to the Christian
Century, and even the Bellingham Herald are addressing the issue of gay
marriage. As an Open and Affirming congregation it is time for us to enter
into the conversation of recognition of lesbian and gay covenant ceremonies.
In fact Christian ethicist, James Nelson, believes the issues of sexual
orientation and inclusiveness are the pre-eminent test case of whether the
church can be the church in our time.
[i] Some have
expressed surprise that we would need to have this discussion. If we affirm
our lesbian, gay, and bisexual sisters and brothers, how could we not bless
their covenanted relationships? Yet when we studied and voted to become an
Open and Affirming Congregation, welcoming people regardless of sexual
orientation, we did not discuss covenant or marriage ceremonies. At that time,
it seemed to stretch some people further than they were able to go. Four years
later, the topic is being discussed all around us, and it seems the time is
right for us to challenge one more hurdle of prejudice and inequality. The General
Synod of the United Church of Christ passed a resolution six years ago,
affirming fidelity and integrity in marriage and other covenanted
relationships. In a Pastoral Letter, the Conference Ministers of our
denomination issued a call to dialogue, to explore the meaning of Christian
marriage and the blessing of unions among same-sex couples guided by the love
of Christ. There is room here for open, honest, and loving debate. There is no
question this is a controversial issue in this country and in this church.
Fortunately, we have learned to discuss difficult topics together, topics
which challenge our assumptions and our faith. We have learned to honor
diverse opinions, with respect and love, trusting that the bond of Christ
which holds us to each other is stronger than anything that can divide us. History
reveals a curious relationship between marriage services and the church. There
was a time when marriage services were exclusively the province of secular
authority. Even the Puritans worried about inordinate church control and
believed marriage to be a natural right, not to be restricted to church
members alone, so churches and ministers did not have the authority to perform
weddings. Slowly the church took over the primary responsibility for wedding
celebrations. Still, just over a century ago, the law in our country did not
recognize the marriage of a woman and a man - if they were slaves. So slaves
devised their own wedding rituals. Ministers, wanting to have slaves united
under the laws of God, with the blessing of the church, eventually began
to conduct these weddings, even though they were not recognized by the state.[ii]
Currently ministers, in addition to conducting religious celebrations of
marriage, are functionaries of the state, as we sign the documents which make
a marriage legal. The government decides the legality of marriage, yet I
believe it is the church=s
prerogative to determine who receives the church=s
blessing in covenantal relationships. From early in
church history, Yale historian John Boswell, has uncovered ancient liturgies
used in the Christian church to bless same-sex unions.[iii]
Our neighbors to the north have just legalized marriage for same-sex couples.
Couples in our community, and in our church, are considering Canadian
marriages, yet it seems fairly clear that recognition of these marriages by
our government is a ways off, as are the1,400 different benefits[iv]
marriage automatically confers on a couple, from employee benefits to making
life-or-death medical decisions, to rights of inheritance, along with legal
responsibilities of guardianship and care for each other. So what do we do in
the interim? The sanctity
of marriage touches something deep within us. I know the idea of two women, or
two men marrying each other doesn=t
fit all of our conceptions of what a marriage is. Some of us cling to a more
Roman Catholic understanding of marriage, based on procreation. The main
reason for marriage is to produce children. Sex outside of marriage is a sin,
because sexual intercourse and marriage are for the purpose of having
children. This is why birth control is such an important issue for the Roman
Catholic Church, unless you want children, you shouldn=t
be making love. Yet even the Roman Catholic church allows marriages between
post-menopausal couples. Looking at our Book of Worship, it is clear in our
church=s tradition we
do not place the same emphasis on procreation, rather for us marriage is
primarily for love, intimacy, mutuality, and companionship. While
scripture is quoted by all sides of this debate, if we look for biblical
justification for gay weddings, first we need to recognize that while the
importance of covenantal relationships between God and people is central to
the Bible, there is very little there about weddings of any kind, particularly
in the New Testament. The New Testament speaks far more about love than it
does sexual ethics or marriage. Paul clearly states it is better to be single,
people should only wed if they have to. We don=t
know that Jesus ever married. Our understanding of Jesus=
blessing of the institution of marriage is based on his attendance at a
wedding reception, according to one of the four gospels. Yet we know Jesus
always positioned himself on the side of those rejected and marginalized, his
whole life reflects affirmation of respectful, loving relationships between
people. And in a context of faith, what is affirmation if not blessing? My
understanding of marriage is that a couple establishes a covenant with each
other, uniting themselves. Those who gather, witness the vows of the covenant,
and the minister offers the church=s
blessing. When we engage in discussing this difficult topic, I see human
faces, not abstract issues of sexual ethics, theology, or church order. I see
people, I see sisters and brothers, daughters and sons, grandchildren, nieces
and nephews. I see the neighbors Jesus invites us to love. As we welcome these
neighbors to be baptized in Christ, to be members of our community of faith,
to join around the communion table where all are welcome, will they also find
support here for their committed relationships? For surely a loving
relationship enhances the lives of two become one, and overflows to enrich the
world around them. Some believe
gay marriage to be trivial or frivolous. If we believe that each one of us is
created in the image of God, equal in God=s
sight, I am mystified as to why we would allow some the benefits of marriage
and the blessing of the church, but not others? But then, the
larger mystery for me is why any one person should ever be drawn to another
with grace-given capacity to have love shaped by the Spirit into positive,
faithful, honest, forgiving, renewing, passionate love for one another. It=s
a phenomenally amazing and difficult undertaking, this love to which God calls
us. In the weeks
ahead, I invite you to engage in dialogue with one another, seeking out those
who may see the issues differently from your own perspective, listening
carefully to each other. We especially need to listen to those most impacted
by this discussion, our lesbian sisters and gay brothers. I hope you will
participate in the forums and classes sponsored by the Open and Affirming
Committee and hold the Diaconate in prayer as they make a recommendation for
how we, as a community of faith, will honor diverse expressions of loving
human relationships. Together, let
us pray, Aas those who
follow Christ, for the capacity to envision life as it could be and, with the
help of our loving God, to unite ourselves across our differences and to treat
all with respect, dignity, love, compassion, understanding, and justice.@[v]
Amen.
__________________________________________________________
[i]. James
B. Nelson. ARelationships:
Blessed and Blessing@
in Blessing Ceremonies.
[ii]. Paul
Finkelman, ed., Women and the Family in a
Slave Society quoted by Rev. K. Scott Kirk.
[iii]. John
Boswell, Same-Sex Unions in Pre-Modern Europe
[iv]. Megan
Fowler, ACouple or
Companions?@
Investment Advisor, April 2003.
[v]. From
the Open and Affirming Resolution of the First Congregational Church of
Bellingham, United Church of Christ, March 14, 1999 |